She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
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Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward