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The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
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