Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"