I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.