Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.