I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
