Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"