I bet he comes in French.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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