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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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