I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
