Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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