saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this will be a night to untag.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk