onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section