How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.