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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
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