You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.