It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
