ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.