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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
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