What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Some milfs here doing some blow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick