Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
