Texts From Last Night

303metro's Favorites Texts:

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  (805): View more from California

  What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.

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  (805): What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc. http://tfl.nu/01sm
  Replies (29) Good night (3267) Bad night (445)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets

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  (+44): drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets http://tfl.nu/vhzs
  Replies (4) Good night (2124) Bad night (481)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"

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  (719): I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today" http://tfl.nu/2j14
  Replies (26) Good night (2943) Bad night (6160) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?

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  (209): Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that? http://tfl.nu/3r87
  Replies (9) Good night (2770) Bad night (357)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

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  (337): The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe. http://tfl.nu/7igq
  Replies (11) Good night (2822) Bad night (521)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.

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  (918): I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever. http://tfl.nu/j10b
  Replies (13) Good night (599) Bad night (3561) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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  (910): You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?" http://tfl.nu/kb6v
  Replies (12) Good night (5534) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in

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  (778): Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in http://tfl.nu/zrr6
  Replies (11) Good night (847) Bad night (3132) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.

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  (847): you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life. http://tfl.nu/71wd
  Replies (25) Good night (12731) Bad night (1039)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.

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  (724): If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground. (724): Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday. http://tfl.nu/bc8e
  Replies (140) Good night (2927) Bad night (576)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38418) Bad night (3073)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.

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  (303): I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college. http://tfl.nu/snfw
  Replies (3) Good night (3705) Bad night (494)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult

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  (780): Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult http://tfl.nu/fk5u
  Replies (14) Good night (887) Bad night (2193) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong

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  (510): she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong http://tfl.nu/3blf
  Replies (10) Good night (4162) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

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  (818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4010) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane

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  (212): The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane http://tfl.nu/6wh0
  Replies (7) Good night (1927) Bad night (788)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered

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  (406): My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered http://tfl.nu/5zea
  Replies (6) Good night (2879) Bad night (471)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

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  (203): The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad http://tfl.nu/q1tx
  Replies (16) Good night (3083) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt