Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt