"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!