it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."