Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask