that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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