He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dating After Heartbreak
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals