We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dating After Heartbreak
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.