Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
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Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite