my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
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rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im holly from the hills drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.