I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.