I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.