"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
