The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
34 Tweets About Student Debt That Will Make You Laugh and Cry At The Same Time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
14 Craigslist Ads That Will Make You Lose Your Faith in Humanity
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
32 of the Pettiest, Most Hilarious Reasons People Have Broken Up With Someone