who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.