yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?