You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.