You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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