Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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