There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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