a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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