We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
