Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
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