I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
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