Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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