We're facebook friends in real life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
