...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
