Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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