PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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