I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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