'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
