just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
