Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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