white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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