btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
