I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The power of my boobs compel you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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