Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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