They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
