So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
