How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
