Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
