I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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