I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
